I’ve been trying to write this blog for two days without any real idea on how to approach it. When I learned that Corbin Fisher model “Sean” (real name Matthew Bremer) had died unexpectedly Monday at just 22 years old, a rush of gloomy, uneasy feelings overwhelmed me. The really weird part was I didn’t understand exactly why I was being affected by his passing at all, let alone that deeply.
It sent me back to December ’09, when Andrew Grande, who went by Dustin Michaels when performing in adult work, passed away. I kind of wandered around for a couple weeks, not knowing what to do with such unfamiliar feelings. Of course I didn’t know either of these guys personally. From what I’ve read, they were both really cool guys — but how the hell would I really know that? Yeah, I was obviously a fan of their work, but their work consisted almost entirely of having sex in front of a camera, and it is, afterall, just porn …. or is it??
Since hearing of Matthew’s death, I’ve debated on even writing this, simply because I didn’t know exactly what to say. I’ve started a few posts, then saved them (knowing full well I’d return just to delete them), then tried to reorganize my thoughts in a way that didn’t seem lame or irrelevant or just silly. But I finally decided to write this after realizing that there are tons of other guys out there who are feeling the exact same way over this. There are plenty of forum threads and blog posts dedicated to what a loss fans of his feel now that he’s gone, and the basic point I’ve gotten from reading some of them is that there is something about certain pornographic performers that goes beyond and transcends the title “porn star”. And, if they pass away (especially so suddenly + at such a young age), it is somewhat like the loss of something truly special and unique.
Personally, I’d only become aware of Matthew (or “Sean”; whichever you choose to use) a few months ago. I’d been mindlessly scrolling through some random porn blog and caught a glimpse of him. I immediately took notice to his face and how beautiful he was. Now, keep in mind that Corbin Fisher as a brand isn’t normally what I’d seek out (nothing personal; they obviously have their demographic on point and don’t need my dollar) — but there was definitely something that stood out about Matthew, and even now I have trouble trying to pin point exactly what that was. I think it comes down to his face. And when I say his face, I don’t necessarily mean Oh, he coulda been an Abercrombie model!! I mean that his face radiated some kind of genuine charisma. Call it All-American Boy, call it Boy-Next-Door, call it what you will — but there was something innately special (yet universally appealing) about his look. Therefore, of course fans of his were naturally drawn to him. He didn’t really fit into a stereotype either, which I think only added to his appeal. On top of all of this, watching his scenes, you could tell that he was a natural performer and actually enjoyed it. While I’m pretty sure he identified as straight, he obviously had no hang-ups about his sexuality and truly appreciated the attention alot of us were so willing to bestow upon him. All of these factors added together is extremely rare in porn, and I think that’s why he not only had tons of fans, but his fans (myself included) were very diehard and adoring of him.
In my opinion, the idea of “Porn is just porn and that’s that” is ridiculous, first of all. But also, I feel that it’s dying off. Slowly, performers are being humanized in a way that, more and more, fans are able to relate to them beyond just watching them fuck — and I think even the performers/agents/directors/studio owners/etc are catching on to this. Just look at the comments on posts about Matthew’s death. Every other one is someone who feels very sad and doesn’t really know why. Whether we realize it or not, porn performers, in a way, are public figures. Even if it’s on a much smaller scale, they are a part of our consciousness the same way other cultural figures are. Because of various social networking sites, personal blogs, interviews, BTS footage, etc., we get to know them on a more intimate level that I don’t think existed even five years ago. When one of them dies (especially when it’s so sudden and unexpected), it’s almost like losing someone you were close to (at least on some level), and it’s an awkward thing to deal with.
I suppose the two main points of this post is to A) pay tribute to Matthew in the only way I know how, and B) let others who are feeling the weight of his loss know that I understand it. The only thing we can do now, as fans of his, is send positive thoughts/energy (or prayers, if you’re into that type of thing) to his family + friends, who are feeling the affects of his death on a much deeper level than we could. And just remember him as the diamond in the rough that we all believed he was.
**If you are interested, Corbin Fisher has set up an email for fans to send thoughts/memories/tributes/etc at: RememberingSean@corbinfisher.com. They will then pass them along to his family, who was apparently very supportive of his adult work.
Honestly, it’s been a subject of self-consciousness and why I have yet to properly pursue the gay xxx industry — but I’ve come to a point of acceptance. Yes, that business is obviously a vain (and sometimes catty) one, but flaws create individuality. And yes, I still feel wholeheartedly that I can offer things that it is in dire need of.
