Honestly, it’s been a subject of self-consciousness and why I have yet to properly pursue the gay xxx industry — but I’ve come to a point of acceptance. Yes, that business is obviously a vain (and sometimes catty) one, but flaws create individuality. And yes, I still feel wholeheartedly that I can offer things that it is in dire need of.
But my own ego (or delusion; whichever you prefer to call it) isn’t what’s important here. I would like to know what YOU think, so please vote here:

*As always, comments are always welcome, so feel free to explain your answer (or lack thereof) and/or opinion in the space below.

Also, here is a photo taken after it was made.
 X

Since hearing of Matthew’s death, I’ve debated on even writing this, simply because I didn’t know exactly what to say. I’ve started a few posts, then saved them (knowing full well I’d return just to delete them), then tried to reorganize my thoughts in a way that didn’t seem lame or irrelevant or just silly. But I finally decided to write this after realizing that there are tons of other guys out there who are feeling the exact same way over this. There are plenty of forum threads and blog posts dedicated to what a loss fans of his feel now that he’s gone, and the basic point I’ve gotten from reading some of them is that there is something about certain pornographic performers that goes beyond and transcends the title “porn star”. And, if they pass away (especially so suddenly + at such a young age), it is somewhat like the loss of something truly special and unique.

Personally, I’d only become aware of Matthew (or “Sean”; whichever you choose to use) a few months ago. I’d been mindlessly scrolling through some random porn blog and caught a glimpse of him. I immediately took notice to his face and how beautiful he was. Now, keep in mind that Corbin Fisher as a brand isn’t normally what I’d seek out (nothing personal; they obviously have their demographic on point and don’t need my dollar) — but there was definitely something that stood out about Matthew, and even now I have trouble trying to pin point exactly what that was. I think it comes down to his face. And when I say his face, I don’t necessarily mean Oh, he coulda been an Abercrombie model!! I mean that his face radiated some kind of genuine charisma. Call it All-American Boy, call it Boy-Next-Door, call it what you will — but there was something innately special (yet universally appealing) about his look. Therefore, of course fans of his were naturally drawn to him. He didn’t really fit into a stereotype either, which I think only added to his appeal. On top of all of this, watching his scenes, you could tell that he was a natural performer and actually enjoyed it. While I’m pretty sure he identified as straight, he obviously had no hang-ups about his sexuality and truly appreciated the attention alot of us were so willing to bestow upon him. All of these factors added together is extremely rare in porn, and I think that’s why he not only had tons of fans, but his fans (myself included) were very diehard and adoring of him.

In my opinion, the idea of “Porn is just porn and that’s that” is ridiculous, first of all. But also, I feel that it’s dying off. Slowly, performers are being humanized in a way that, more and more, fans are able to relate to them beyond just watching them fuck — and I think even the performers/agents/directors/studio owners/etc are catching on to this. Just look at the comments on posts about Matthew’s death. Every other one is someone who feels very sad and doesn’t really know why. Whether we realize it or not, porn performers, in a way, are public figures. Even if it’s on a much smaller scale, they  are a part of our consciousness the same way other cultural figures are.  Because of various social networking sites, personal blogs, interviews, BTS footage, etc., we get to know them on a more intimate level that I don’t think existed even five years ago. When one of them dies (especially when it’s so sudden and unexpected), it’s almost like losing someone you were close to (at least on some level), and it’s an awkward thing to deal with.

I suppose the two main points of this post is to A) pay tribute to Matthew in the only way I know how, and B) let others who are feeling the weight of his loss know that I understand it. The only thing we can do now, as fans of his, is send positive thoughts/energy (or prayers, if you’re into that type of thing) to his family + friends, who are feeling the affects of his death on a much deeper level than we could. And just remember him as the diamond in the rough that we all believed he was.

**If you are interested, Corbin Fisher has set up an email for fans to send thoughts/memories/tributes/etc at:  RememberingSean@corbinfisher.com. They will then pass them along to his family, who was apparently very supportive of his adult work.

there can be no vultures here
so I will grow fins
& learn to swim
Cover me in sea foam blue
so that love cannot
penetrate
or bloom.

no point in breathing
or bleeding
because the water will
only carry it away
to shores I do not know of
no reason for pouting or sleeping
there are no drama kings
whose words you smother in the night
Or empty gods
hungry to devour any little lost soul.
Only jellyfish and
mermen who float aimlessly
with no knowledge of
pouting or bleeding.

& when the tide growls angrily,
I will swallow my own tongue
because there is nothing here
to speak of.
there is nothing left to kill
or spoil with the name of love.
at the ocean floor
centuries become days
spent waiting endlessly
to be transformed.

I’ll be posting all photos such as this (and other forms of randomness) here from now on. sS

I figured I’d post this photo just to get the ball rolling on the nudity + to get the first one out of the way. OK, now the best part about forcing myself to work out: smoothies!!!!!!!!!X

[Also in this photo, you will probably notice the boring/stupid/uneven haircut I recently gave myself. That, too, was a must, because I'm going to start experimenting with mohawks really soon (real ones...not the kind pretentious hipsters like to sport these days).]